My mind feels heavy with thoughts. None, I think, I will share. I'm feeling censored by readers. I know part of this was trying not to censor, trying to be vulnerable and open. I'm just not there yet, totally.
I think my next blog will be different. Perhaps secret. Perhaps all "Letters to Sally," per suggestion of Dewey. He liked those two the best so far and I don't disagree with him. Those were real moments. Deep and in the moment. True. Tears. Feelings. Naked. I said that it was hard to go there every day. Hard to get to that place unless I'm already there. I still fight against it, have to be in real life and guard against those moments when I see them seeping in. I seriously think I have a whole other life in my head. I know I do. I'm only partially with you, right here, right now. Dare me to tell you my thoughts. I think not yet.
Perhaps I will get to the bottom of all of this by working with my mentor. Or other internal looking, preferably with some help. For now, it all lives in my gut. Moving around, creating pressure. Alone, in solitude, I can really feel it. When I'm just here, with me.
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