Challenge 106: Read a chapter in the book that's been inspiring me

April 26, 2010

I swear, when I write my blog for the day in my head, it feels like it's turning into the "what I want to do with my life" blog. I don't always write exactly everything on my mind, but I've been realizing that my central theme lately (perhaps for years?) has been just that. I feel like it changes so much and so totally that I never quite know what to trust, and I've grown weary thinking of discussing it. "It's just another one of Sally's crazy ideas," I think you'll say. I spoke with my coach this morning and she used a great metaphor to describe what I've been feeling. I said I kind of feel like I've been gathering puzzle pieces. She said "yeah, and it seems like you have the outline and the edges, but the middle is missing." And that was spot on. Exactly how I feel. I know the elements, what it looks like, what it feels like, but I don't actually know what IT is. It's frustrating. And hard to work towards. And I feel silly for feeling this way.
So I took a long walk with coach and my inquiry for the day is "what is my intuition telling me?" "What is true?" I had a great walk and I picked flowers.

I feel like I've always operated on my intuition. I get really strong reactions both when something feels right and wrong. I tend to try to lean in to that intuition and not look back. But lately, lots of looking back has been happening. What's changed? Are the stakes feeling higher? I'm trying to tap into and trust that place that acts as my guide and not beat myself up when I pass up a "perfectly good opportunity" that just didn't feel quite right. It's been hard.

My coach asked me if I was spiritual. "Not really," I said. She asked who or what I want to turn to to stay grounded. I remembered that in a couple other really hard places in my life I asked the universe to show me my path, guide me in the direction I'm supposed to go. I know it sounds silly, but each time, it led me to the right place. So I did that. I said it out loud.

I'm now off to work.

Challenge 106: Read a chapter in the book that's been inspiring me

106 down. 259 to go.